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Jan 14 2013

What Makes A Good Rack?

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Everyone loves boobs. Even gay guys. They are nature's toys, meant to be played with and sucked on. But even with the love of boobs that we all have, I still find myself sometimes not enjoying a pair of knockers as much as other times.

So I've decided to analyze what makes a good rack. There are certain things that, when mixed together just right, create a spectacular pair, much like a master brewer can create a sophisticated beer.

Size

Do you like 'em big or small? We can argue til the end of time if bigger is better, but personally I like the flavor of both. Its nice to mix it up.

[caption id="attachment_2768" align="aligncenter" width="477" caption="Boobs bigger than your head"]big boobs[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2766" align="aligncenter" width="574" caption="Tiny boobs don't hurt"]tiny boobs[/caption]

Saggy or Perky

Perky boobs look healthier and stronger. But saggy ones are fun to flop around and juggle. You can motorboat saggy tits and they'll motorboat you back. What fun!

[caption id="attachment_2773" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="Small but perky"]perky tits[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2772" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="So much sag"]saggy tits[/caption]

Nipple-to-Boob Ratio

I'm a little pickier on this one. There are some mega-nip monster national geographic nipples that almost completely take over the tits. These make the boob look like its being overrun by a disease, like an orange growing mold. Not cool.

[caption id="attachment_2774" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="Amazonian"]giant nipples[/caption]

Then we have the other side of the spectrum, tiny little nipples that are almost like an afterthought. These can be cute too, but usually they kinda just make me laugh. I almost want to just take a marker and draw the nipple bigger.

tiny nipples

Are they the same size?

I know the human body is mostly asymmetrical. We have the heart on one side, our faces are usually not symmetrical, and when people stand they have more weight on one foot than the other. So what do you expect when it comes to boobs?

tits not same size

I don't mind seeing boobs of different sizes. It just reminds me the boobs are real and natural. That's always good.

Do they look like eyeballs?

I don't know how else to phrase this. Some boobs look like eyeballs to me. It's just hilarious.

[caption id="attachment_2777" align="aligncenter" width="640" caption="Eyeball tits are watching you"]eyeball tits[/caption]

Fake or Real

Finally, a huge question for us today. Fake boobs or real? Personally, I will always admire real boobs more. Fake boobs can look good too, but there's nothing like a real breast to put your lips on. Fo realz

[caption id="attachment_2778" align="aligncenter" width="536" caption="Fake it to make it"]fake tits[/caption]

 

What about you? What do YOU think makes a good rack? Let me know in the comments. We read every single one.

Jan 10 2013

So You Think You Can Be A Male Porn Star?

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Every single day, about 50 times a day, we get guys asking us if they can fuck our porn stars. They ask us on Twitter, on Facebook, through email, and on the streets. They've grown up with porn and they love our videos. And while we appreciate that, and it's only natural they think they too can have sex on camera, it's not so easy. You might ask, why not? After all, it's only sex right?

Wrong.

When we get the same question hundreds of times a week, what do you think our answer is? Yep, it's always a big NO. And we're not trying to be assholes. There's a very good reason everyone can't be a male porn star.

This week's video with Christy Mack on the BangBus proves our point.

If you haven't seen it, Christy does a reverse BangBus where she tries to pick up guys off the street. In a little over an hour, she picked up four guys and attempted to fuck them on camera. The guys were not male actors or professionals. They were regular guys off the street, the same type that asks us "Can I fuck so-and-so? I would fuck her so hard. PLEASE?"

If you saw the video, you understand why the answer is always no.

Just to drive the point home, I reviewed the four contestants on their performance. It wasn't pretty.

 

Guy #1 - Peter

Before I even talk about his abysmal attempt at sex, I just have to say this. This guy's name is not Peter. He looks more like a Carlos. I think he knew what was up and made up the name on the spot.

So "Peter" was picked up off the beach and agreed to ride in the bus for an "interview". And he couldn't be more awkward. He seemed unsure of what he was doing half the time.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="Is anyone alive down there??"]So you think you can be a male porn star[/caption]

When Christy pulled his pants off, he wasn't even hard. That's key. A male porn star has to get hard on demand, whether he's in the mood or not. This guy took some work to get going.

After he finally got to pumping away, guess how long he lasted? About 30 seconds…

Another key thing he did wrong…. he did not show the cumshot! If you don't show the pop, you have failed. This guy was too into it and Whoops! I just came! Hooray for me!! Complete and utter failure. We're disappointed bro…

 

Guy #2 - Dexter

If you thought Peter was bad, holy shit, look out for Dexter. This was so pitiful it made me almost ashamed to be a man (almost).

Dexter was picked up at a park and agreed to a "street interview". Then we asked if he wanted to have sex with the famous Christy Mack. He had to stop and think about it. We should've known then that this wasn't meant to be. If someone asks would you fuck Christy Mack, do you really have to think about it? Should've known…

When his pants finally came off, he wasn't hard either. Surprise. Not much happening down there. Christy got to work and gave him a world-class blowjob, tubjob, face-sit, whatever she could think of. Guess what? THIS GUY DID NOT EVER GET HARD!!!

[caption id="attachment_2743" align="aligncenter" width="524" caption="What will it take???"]can you be a male porn star[/caption]

As hot and amazing as Christy Mack is, Dexter couldn't do it. He couldn't stand it up. There was nothing to work with. Quite frankly, this was painful to watch. You could see it in his eyes, Dexter wasn't prepared to fuck that day. Painful.

 

Guy #3 - James

James was enthusiastic from the get go, so we were excited to see what happened.

James was blessed with what Christy calls "decently endowed". He was packing. And luckily, he got hard when he was supposed to. Finally Christy had something to work with. He took her doggy style but was a little rude upon entering and rushed in. Guys, you have to ease it in there. Give her time to lube it with her juices. Remember, porn stars are people too.

[caption id="attachment_2750" align="aligncenter" width="553" caption="Drought season"][/caption]

After he got going, he lasted a decent amount of time. BUT he still was not able to satisfy her. Christy kept asking for more, but James was doing all he could apparently. This goes to show, even with a big dick, you have to know how to use it.

Unfortunately he couldn't make it pop. At least he left a nice tip, his wallet.

 

Guy #4 - Tony Sosa

Tony Sosa was making his merry way back to Kendall, minding his own business. Then suddenly Christy Mack is asking him to jump in a van for an "interview". Good old Tony, he's such a good sport.

Mr. Tony was able to get hard at least, so that's good. However, he had trouble keeping his dick inside her in the reverse cowgirl position. They had to switch to missionary with Tony on top. Boring.

[caption id="attachment_2752" align="aligncenter" width="491" caption="Couldn't keep it in..."][/caption]

And this is where the professionalism comes in. Tony was not camera-conscious and kept blocking the shot with his arm, so we weren't able to see much down there. Even while having sex, a porn actor has to be aware of the camera and the angles.

Tony got too into it and came too early. Didn't give a warning, didn't take the condom off, so it didn't count. Another early popper. Another failure.

Overall, the amateur guys were pretty bad. They all seemed uneasy and uncomfortable. This goes to show, shooting porn isn't as easy as you think.

Next time you're sitting there watching porn and thinking "Man if I could just have one shot with that fine bitch! I would fuck her so hard!" think back on this video. Remember, it's not just sex. It's a live performance in front of the camera, and it's not easy.

Only the strong survive…

Here's the link to the trailer

Tell Christy your thoughts on Twitter

PS: At least we got a first look at Christy Mack's new boobs :)

christy mack boobs

Jan 09 2013

The Most Glamorous Award Show In Porn!

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(Photo courtesy of avnawards.avn.com)

For 30 years AVN (Adult Video News) has hosted an award show to celebrate excellence in the adult industry. The AVN award is the industry's highest honor. Only the most deserving receive this prestigious accolade. The event will occur on January 19th in Las Vegas. People come from all over the world to be in attendance for this star-studded event.

Entertainment Weekly coined the AVN Awards as "The Oscars of Porn". In recent years, stars such as Gene Simmons, Lisa Lampenelli, Flo Rida, Lil Jon, and many more have graced the stage of the AVN Awards. This year Young Money rapper Tyga will be performing his smash hit single "Rack City". The song will be quite fitting since I'm sure there won't be a shortage of silicone in the building.

This year Bangbros has been honored with 10 nominations. We are nominated in the following categories:

Best Big Bust Series- Big Tits Round Asses

Best Big Butt Release- Ass Parade 37

Best Big Butt Series- Ass Parade

Best Ethnic Series- Brown Bunnies & Latina Rampage

Best Internal Release- Big Tit Cream Pie 13

Best Interracial Series- Diesel Dongs

Best MILF/Cougar Release- MILF Soup 18

Best MILF/Cougar Series- MILF Soup

Best New Series- Bang Bros Tryout

Best POV Series- Facial Fest

Cross your fingers that we walk away with the some of the coveted accolades! Don't get your nuts in a bunch if you can't attend. You can view all the award show action on Showtime. Check Showtime's website for scheduled dates of airing.

Jan 08 2013

Bachelor Breakdown

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After their 15 minutes of fame... We'll take 'em!

Working in porn for this long has undoubtedly ruined mainstream television for me.  Last night, I was doing my best to enjoy a girls night with some of my besties while watching a chick favorite, The Bachelor. All I kept thinking as they are showing these desperate women was, "Oh yeah, we'd take her. That chick should be a webcam model. Ooo and that one has nice tits. Motorboat city!"

So I decided to take my comments where they might be appreciated, as my girlfriends certainly did not appreciate me ruining their favorite show to teardown the hopeful contestants. Here I will provide a breakdown of some of these desperate women and let them know when they're done being dumped on national television, BangBros would be more than happy to help them pick up the pieces. Naked.

(all photos courtesy of Abc.com)

Amanda

Age 26

Fitness model from Bakersfield, CA

Breakdown: Amanda's got some beautiful hair. Her plaid shirt gives her that laid back look like she might be cool but that bubble necklace proves she likes the finer things. This chick should consider becoming a webcam model on Naked.com after the show. Put that sexy fitness model body to work full time!

AshLee F.

Age 32

Personal Organizer from Houston, TX

Breakdown: It's hard for me to hate on someone from the great state (Texans stick together!) but then I look at her name and it's just too easy. With a name like "AshLee" this girl belongs in porn! Everyone knows chicks that spell their names in unconventional ways are just dying for attention. Head to Miami, BangBros will give you lots of attention AshLee F.

Ashley H.

Age 25

Fashion Model from Garner, NC

Breakdown: Wait wait wait. A "fashion model" from North Carolina? Uh uh. Daddy don't think so. Well chick, you're already a "model" so might as well bend over and let that tight ass make you more money than getting your arm photographed for a shiny bracelet.

Ashley P.

Age 28

Hair Stylist from Macomb, MI

Breakdown: Oh heyyyyyy Ashley P. By far my favorite Ashley. I can tell underneath that conservative top are some ta ta's waiting to bust out. Ashley P. is an attractive girl, and check out those dick sucking lips! The studio is ready for you girl, see you soon.

Brooke

Age 25

Community Organizer from Pittsburgh, PA

Breakdown: ABC has gotten a hard time for the lack of diversity in The Bachelor series contestants. So Miss Brooke must be that taste of chocolate ABC has been lacking. With a small chest and strong arms, this chick looks like she might be good on our TugJobs site. Jerk one out, let it bust on your small titties.

Catherine

Age 26

Graphic Designer from Seattle, WA

Breakdown: This girl is with out a doubt gorgeous. She's got a great smile, good hair, and a nice skin tone. She might be TOO pretty for porn... JUST KIDDING! We've got tons of gorgeous girls that lower their standards and their pants to fuck Joe Schmoes on camera. Catherine...your future is calling.

Daniella

Age 24

Commercial Casting Associate from Belmont, CA

Breakdown: This girl looks like a Stepford Wife. She's only 24 but she looks like she could be on MILF Soup.

Desiree

Age 26

Bridal Stylist from Northglenn, CO

Breakdown: Back off crazy eyes. This chick works in the wedding industry... let that be a sign to this year's Bachelor that he gets rid of her FAST. I've only ever met one Desiree before, and that girl was nasty.

Diana

Age 31

Salon Owner from Salt Lake City, UT

Breakdown: What can I say, Diana is VANILLA. Boring. Snooze. Don't waste my time on mainstream television and don't waste my time making boring porn. Next.

Jackie

Age 25

Cosmetics Consultant from Ormond Beach, FL

Breakdown: Jackie kind of looks like a porn star already. She's got that fake reddish hair. Actually, she kind of looks like Jayden Cole...

Kristy

Age 25

Model from Darien, WI

Breakdown: Greeeeeeat. Another model. Just one step away from XXX industry. Plus, look at her teeth. Super white... probably all that zinc from all that sperm she swallows. That cross isn't fooling anyone. She's a hoe.

Dec 12 2012

You Are What You Eat...Rappers Are Pussy!!!

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In 2000 a house party wasn’t complete until Juicy J’s “Slob On My Knob”  was played at least twice. There's no need too explain the song’s content. The title is totally self-explanatory.  A couple years later 50 Cent created the hit “Candy Shop”. This song highlighted the joy he felt when ladies licked his cock like a lollipop.

These songs reflected hip-hop’s standpoint when it came to oral sex. Fellatio was basically demanded. However a new era has begun where eating pussy has become glorified! You literally can’t get these rappers to shut up about their love for licking the twat. I’ve compiled a small list of lines from Hip-Hop’s top rappers discussing eating bitches out.

Lil-Wayne (No Worries)- “She said sorry I didn’t shave, so that pussy a little furry. I put that pussy in my face, I ain’t got no worries!”

Rick Ross (Diced Pineapples)- “ Shorty so fine, pussy so fresh, diced pineapples that my baby tastes the best.”

Busta Rhymes (Motivation Remix)- “Willing to protect you, lay you down and quickly taste your cream filling.”

The Game (Pussy Fight)- "I hope that pussy phat, phat, phat like Missy. If it is, Imma eat that cat like Missy. I’m a freak, I eat it after I beat it.”

Drake (What’s My Name)- “The square root of 69 is ate some’in right? Cuz I been tryna work that out owww.”

Twista (Make A Movie)- "You could be the director aiming the camera down at me , filming me licking until you say cut."

Meek Millz (Young & Getting It)- “Eat the pussy I’d prolly, if it smell like water”

2 Chainz (Yuck)- “Known to act a donkey on that camel-toe, then take the camel-toe and turn it into a casserole.”

50 Cent (5 Senses)- “Your love let me taste it. Come here let me taste it.”

Wale (Rather Be With You)- “I’ll paint you with my tongue and stay in those bikini lines.”

Now I must mention Lil Wayne must be a pussy-eating connoisseur because he could’ve dominated this list with his abundance of pro-pussy eating lyrics. However, other artists deserved to be highlighted as well. Anyway, rappers are eating vagina and proud of it, and pop culture typically influences mass culture. I’m a fan of this movement!

Dec 07 2012

Our Favorite Porn Parody Movie Titles

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Sometimes porn parodies are stupid. But sometimes they're funny. Here are some of our favorite titles at the Bang office.

If you have your own porn parody title, tell us in the comments. We might make it our next video!

[caption id="attachment_2468" align="aligncenter" width="580" caption="You already metaphorically jack off to this game. Might as well make it official."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2470" align="aligncenter" width="415" caption="One does not simply become a whore."][/caption]

 

 

[caption id="attachment_2472" align="aligncenter" width="390" caption="The ultimate alpha beast."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2473" align="aligncenter" width="580" caption="The way it should've ended"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2474" align="aligncenter" width="390" caption="Our own Lisa Ann milfin it up"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2475" align="aligncenter" width="390" caption="What if they humped each other to death instead?"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2476" align="aligncenter" width="580" caption="If the penis was on your hands, how would you jack off?"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2477" align="aligncenter" width="580" caption="The classic of classics."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2478" align="aligncenter" width="380" caption="DaVinci would've loved this, that crazy mofo"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2479" align="aligncenter" width="580" caption="Look at the penis on that C. Pure innovation."][/caption]

 

 

Dec 05 2012

Top Ways You Mess Up The Second Hook Up

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So you took this hottie home from the bar Thursday night and you gave her mind-blowing, life-altering sex. She came multiple times… HARD! Afterwards, you knew she’d be calling Daddy back in a couple of days for some more top-notch cock right? WRONG. It’s now 2 weeks later and you have yet to hear as little as a “Good Morning” text from the long legged bombshell. You’re now super pissed because you really wanted to add that pussy to your starting team for the winter. What could’ve gone wrong?

Fortunately for you, I have the answer to your woes. You scared that hoe off bro. I know you are wondering, how could the sex have been bad if she told you she came?  Dude, that orgasm was as fake as Nicki Minaj’s ass. She wanted you to hurry up and bust a nut so she could get away to the sweet comforts of her uptown condo! No worries though, I got your back. Here are a couple of ways you could’ve gone wrong:

  • You Told Her You Have A Monstrous Cock- Don’t hype up your dick to be a whopping 10 inches when it’s a humble 6. She was ready to get her pussy drilled, and your cock gave her a soft tissue massage.
  • Focus On The Clitoris- Most women don’t cum off of penetration. So you sticking your tongue in and out of her pussy does NOTHING. Vibrate your tongue on her clit and leave it at that. All that extra spit is messy and unnecessary.
  • Bad Hygiene- Pop a mint bro. Seriously….
  • Aggressiveness- Every lady loves a bit of aggression, but things cannot be forced. It creates an atmosphere of awkwardness. Hoes hate awkwardness.
  • Listening- If you want her to keep coming back you have to listen. Yes you want to get off, but she wants to get off too. If she says she wants you to hit it doggy style, then that’s what you do. Stop worrying only about your nut. If you can’t make her orgasm she will find something or someone who can. Either way, your ass will not be in the picture.

There you have it. I’ve outlined just the tip of the iceberg on where things could’ve gone wrong. Your job is to listen to what she wants and give it to her. Then you can do what you want to get your nut. If you want to have reoccurring pussy…treat this like the law.

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